Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Co - dependancy assumptions?

I am trying to analyse what is going wrong for us re the attitude towards our HIV and us as a couple re the HIV clinic I have began to make some conclusions.

I need to process this and come to some conclusions as to at is happening in order for our contact with the clinic to work for us - and it seems that it is very important for both our future health that it does.

I think the basis of the assumptions made is that Barry and I are co-dependant.

And anyone that actualy knows us will know that this is not the case.

It would have been almost impossible anyway to sustain a relationship for over 25 years that works so well and gives us both so much, on the basis of codependency, especially when we have had to be apart from each other and function as individuals for up to 7 months of every year in all the years we have known each other

Our relationship works BECAUSE we are not co-dependant and never have been.
It also works DISPITE the fact we are away from each other for so long not because of it
To help us you have to understand both.

No one we have talked to 'officially' re HIV has - so far. This has to change

But we are very much a couple and despite this we remain a couple that loves each other very much. And we do look out for each other.

This is not codependency, we compliment each other, we are friends as well as lovers and spouse and help each other out - but never without permission from the other.

I do stuff for Barry that he finds hard to do for himself and visa verse and because the things that we can or can not manage are different - our strengths and weaknesses are different ......
This works well for us and compliments us rather than taking any thing away from each other.

But theses people do not understand this, they do not know us at all. I hope they soon start to get it!

So far Barry has always seen them with me and visa versa at the HIV clinic for tests and treatment, they are assuming because I am talkative, loud and extrovert that I am not allowing him the space he needs to speak for himself.
They want him to have space away for me to 'engage' in his own treatment.
The trouble is as Barry said this morning, not in theses exact words but this is the gist of it.

They think I am going to be different when on my own, that I am being inhibited by you, but this is not so, I am like that, I am quiet, what they see is what they get and I can not be more proactive in my treatment. I have always been unsure ,shy and unassertive when it come to my health and I need you right now to fight with me for what I need.

I have to go out now - but will add to this later...
but this is the core what they just do not seem to be getting
And this has to change because our interactions at that clinic has to suit us if we are to be compliant to the medication.

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