Life & death

Life & Death

HIV
For me
Despite knowing I have the drugs
Knowing I will live
For now at least

Still
Means

Living on the borders of life
And death

However well you are
…….being HIV throws life and death into clear relief

Life is with you always
But so is death

Atripla Dreams

Atripla Dreams

Faceless dreams come down to bare
Affect how I feel
Whether waking or asleep

Its night now
……….. Atripla dreams are almost here..........

Again
Subconscious fears that never were
Before

Of Course
A choice between
Living and dying
I’ll take the dreams learn to cope
Better than an AIDs death
Better

Than denying the drugs and living with fear and no hope
Atripla Dreams

Mine for Life
But thanks to them

I have my life
______________________________________

Atripla

For those of you who do not know what it is, Atripla is the drug I currently have to take every day to stop HIV multiplying and taking over my cells and to delay the onset of AIDs.

Although it is marketed under one name and as one drug - it is in fact a combination of three very powerful drugs.

Atripla is a fixed dose combination of 600 mg efavirenz, 300 mg tenofovir, and 200 mg emtricitabine.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atripla

All very powerful drugs that effect your body at a very fundamental level - at a basic cell level, which includes your bran function too, but they do keep you alive.

And thankfully medications have improved so much since the early days of HIV medications - my heart goes out to all those - and I now know many - who have survived HIV and the 'terrible' earlier meds - many of whom can not take a modern drug like Artipla due to drug resistance built up over many years of taking the older drugs ( which are related to or derived from the modern ones in many cases so if you have been on HIV meds for years. this can cut down your treatment options drastically and Atripla is most often only for those like me who have only recently gone on meds )

And the Atripla combination is one of the most well tolerated in terms of physical side effects i.e i get diarrhea and nausea but at a much more bearable level to what other drugs may give me .

I DO NOT want to put anyone off taking this drug - or ay other HIV ARV medication .

Atripla is comparatively well tolerated and any HIV med it is far better than getting ill with AIDs related illnesses - both me and my husband have been there - my husband more than me .
And so MUCH better than dieing of AIDs

And if you do not take HIV meds - once you get to the point you need them ...........................there is no other end game but AIDs and death !! Don't fool yourself , without the HIV ARVs that is the only end.... with them you can live a healthy and relatively 'normal' life

MY message - if you have HIV - take the meds!!

And Atripla is one of the best meds we have and one of the best tolerated - but what you take is down to your medical advisers always.

But for many one of the combination's of the drugs in Atripla can give you amazing, weird and for some, frightening dreams .
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=26684.0

It is this I wanted to write about in my poem above

Some this is so bad they can not take them at all. And have to go on less effective HIV meds.

For me the dreams are weird not frightening and while they certainly affect my waking and sleeping life - they are not usually frightening and for me it is not every night I get them .

I get them more if I drink alcohol and sadly I DO drink alcohol - if you have HIV and can manage not to drink and smoke like I do it will be better health wise

But I do not do this blog to pretend I do it all right - This is about me - WARTs and all , living with HIV !!

I can tolerate this as I prefer this to having more physical side effects that some other HIV meds may bring.

But NEVER underestimate if you do not have HIV the effect that living with HIV and taking the meds can bring.

Those of us who have HIV it is too late and unless we are in denial of taking the meds we take what we can and need to stay alive and to continue our life.

And surprisingly as it might seem from the outside may of us have very good and productive lives

But it can be an added burden to live with theses dreams - even if only intermittently in my case - that a drug like Atripla can bring.

Or living with other side effects if you are on different HIV meds, as all affect your body and mind at the deepest level

None of your life if you have HIV will ever be normal - so the best I can offer
Is never get HIV - always protect yourself if you possibly can!

But at least with the drugs you will have a life - and often a very good one

- MINE IS DESPITE ALL

HIV Poems

I am NOT a poet!!

Never was and never will be
But thought I would have a go at writing about how it feel for me to live with HIV
Not in my usual - long winded - way
but via poetry

I will post my efforts

If anyone one else living with HIV has written poems about their HIV experience or would like to try .

I would love to post them here.