Friday, 13 June 2008

Wisdom of Whores

I have written, via the Internet, to a woman who wrote the book - Wisdom of Whores - Elizabeth Pisani

She once did me the honor of talking to me briefly on Skype -

I felt I was bloody honored!!!!!!!!

So if you ever read this - Thank you Elizabeth

- I should not have asked you to give me your time as it was my stuff and I know how busy you are so I really appreciated that you too the time you did I remember I just talked and did not give you the chance to respond much?

  • On the one hand I love her for her book!
  • On the other I hate her for her book!

I think the essence of my discomfort reading her book is it makes me feel that I - and everyone else - am responsible for my own infection! which had I been I would gladly take responsibility for

i.e had any real chance or avoiding it through having the information from my husband that he had had sex with another woman at some point in our marriage............................

or I had had risky behaviour for HIV myself

i.e either of us had not used safe sex, except with your partner of over 20 years and then only when you were trying to conceive and after menopause, not had any consecutive partners, you are NOT a sex worker and nor are you an intravenous drug user.

So the book makes me feel guilty and blamed - yet what could I have done to avoid my HIV infection? ( if I do not have the right information, from my husband in this case, this is impossible)

My personal projection is I am guessing she is a lot younger than I am?

Sorry my ageist crap I guess????

..............and yet her book is so wonderfully full of great stuff/insights/information/knowledge and and so right in ways - as I was once about my own subjects!!! And she still has the energy to try to disseminate her knowledge? I envy her energy.

But at the same time her experience of the issue is second hand as a professional - just as mine was ...............................

This does not mean she does not know her subject - as she does entirely
BUT it is all so totally different when you actually HAVE HIV!!!

My comment to her on her blog - I changed it a bit to post on her blog :
She said:

Please come along to agree, disagree, make me think, change my mind, or entrench me in my opinions. Or even just to hear some cracking good tales about interesting people.

I said:

We have been in contact briefly before - On Skype - maybe I should not have tried to talk to you as it was all my stuff ?

And I so wish I COULD have a chance to be there and argue with you face to face!! As while I agree with so much you say I also do have some real difficulties with it too. So I wish I could make it to the US but I can not.

I am now a volunteer for a HIV charity in the UK and in my ‘very small’ way I am campaigning for more awareness, routine HIV testing etc
I am such small fry compared to you - but I so hope to make some impact!!

I may be in the Sunday People UK this Sunday- I have a blog here:

I do in fact have a cracking good life story - that I think you may well enjoy….and I can at times be VERY interesting!!!!!!!!

But then so do you and so are you and you do not have HIV!!!

Lucky for you!!!!!!!!!! and every one else who does not have it but works with it!!!!!!!!

But I feel I HAVE to point out - It is actually really so VERY different when you do have HIV yourself!!!

Something I do truly so hope you never discover - i.e how different it is to have HIV from the mostly academic perspective of working with people with HIV you now have.

I am now unfortunate to have done both!!!
I have worked with people with HIV - not at all as extensively as you, and me only from a caring/personal/educative perspective - but I now have HIV at an age I thought it could NEVER happen to me!!!!!

- please believe me it is VERY different when you have it yourself!! As I have been so very unfortunate to discover

Anyway I rant.............................

I am VERY good at ranting since I have HIV - HIV can make you rant - bloody virus has no care about who you are or how much you know about HIV, You only have to make one mistake or have sex with someone who did and you are .....................................totally fucked!!!!

I did however love and hate your book
it made many points that needed to be said

And someone brave enough to say it!!

Thanks for talking to me - Skype - and I wish I could meet you


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