Wednesday, 28 December 2016

I do not have Bi-Polar at all

I don't have Bi-Polar. But I do have another labeled mental health issue that I have been long diagnosed with. At 15 and I am now 63. My poor parents were once told I'd never live a 'normal' life?

I am so very glad they both lived long enough to find I could and so very much did

- trained as a teacher and then a youth worker and I know I was useful to so many

And so grateful they died before they knew I had HIV.

I can't cope with well, and so thankful they did not see me crumbing as I am now.

Well my mum did live a few years after my diagnosis but she was by then blind - She was partially sighted all her life but was blind by then and at the time of my diagnosis she had  has
Dementia , which I so fear too.

People with HIV, even with the now marvelous medications we have are  more likely to get
Dementia, and a lot of other things
And my mum her mum, her mum etc, etc, died of it

I value my brain above all else. But I may very well lose it

I have had many friends with Bi-Polar, and I have, over the years,  got on so well with those that do.

Once I even sadly had to call the mental health team/ambulance etc for a dear friend with it who was, sadly, having a very massive 'episode'. This was so very hard, I cannot explain how hard it was??

What a decision to have to make????
And then, from the very minute she was admitted, I fostered her child until she was well enough again to look after him again

- he is doing so well, been to uni, and a lovely person by all accounts. She is, as far as I know, good  now and settled with her partner. I am so thankful I could help.

But wish I saw her now. Or her son? If even just now and again.

She also helped me, and very big time, before this, and so very big time too.

When I had my accident and was so weak and ill - had an infection in my bones - and non weight baring anyway. I could not walk at all and my husband was at sea.

It was her that came to collect me from hospital and while I was in there as Barry was then at sea.
Actually I discharged myself. Another story of yet another abuse/lack of care by the NHS.

I was readmitted 3 days later with this infection and was critical on IV antibiotics for a few weeks, but thankfully not into St Micheal's ......where they had missed, how ill I was, despite me saying and saying!! I was suffering an infection

Yes I did. She saved my life by coming to get me that night. I would not be alive if it was not for her!!!!

And she had, in the meantime got all the things I needed at my home for when I returned to be able to survive once at home - aids like a wheelchair, perching stools, crutches, walking frame, toilet frame and seat, chair I could sit in etc, etc

And it did not end then.

She came up to see me daily. Every day for about 9 months, every day???!! I could not even walk then, nor often then get out of my bed. Pretty much no one else did I see. Excpept also Sandy - Sandy I cannot also thank you enough.

Even though up to the minute i fell off my horse and big time on that hill - and was airlifted to Treliske ( Royal  Cornwall Hospital) I thought I had loads of friends.

Well I thought so as they were here most days, eating my food,. drinking my tea and coffee, their kids riding my ponies, us sharing so much due to our kids being the same age??

But the day I fell off my horse that all ended

But this friend, no she carried on being a friend. She came to do the things others could not or would not do.
I did have a daughter but she was only 13 and at school, I tried not to put things on her, I so really tried. This friend, with Bi-polar, and struggling herself at the time. Came up to see me and fed my daughter almost every day.
I owe her a whole lot that I can never repay

And I also paid a carer, or rather a caring business, Penhellis -- changed hands now so that they were lacking no one can do a thing about now.

The actual people that did the caring  got shit all --- to come in twice a day to get me up, get me to the loo ( if I had to go between the times her and my friend were here I had to crawl ) and give me a cup of tea.
I paid them quite a lot of money to do this

But one was outstanding Rachael. She also in my view saved my life. She went above and beyond the pittance she was paid to do her best for me.

But others , sadly no long out of my life, as either dead or are just not in my life any more, did so much also.

I owe my life that I still have it to the very few friends that were there then and stuck with me then.
Roma, Gelly, Sandy, Ali, etc .........what can I say or do? I can never repay and not at all now as some have since died

But I hardly ate as no one cooked me anything, this friend did get me some meals however, for which I was and am very grateful. But there were a lot of days I never ate anything.

But the bonus was I lost weight LOL!!

But my friend came in every day and of course for nothing.

And I also owe a debt to my other friend at the time that then lived in my caravan. She rented it, so was a tenant Sandy.

Who saw to my cats and dogs. When my daughter, understandably,  could not

Sadly I had to get rid of my then 5 ponies, my goats..loved my goats, chickens etc ..... either it was this or I would have inflicted cruelty on them , and this could never be allowed to happen

Jaffa he went to a riding stable as no way could I part with him. But the others, so sadly, to Barry Rowe a local horse dealer ......... it broke my heart .......I still wonder where they are? I loved those horses. Two of them I bred

But all my other friends just faded away!!

As all/most except them that love you do when you are on hard times and cannot give them what they want from you.

Even more have faded away since my diagnosis of HIV. Sad isn't it!!

I am guessing that why I do get on with those who have this, and have had many friends with it, because some of our behaviors, especially this in the meme below, are similar, so we understand each other. But because I do not have the manic phase, I can be level headed when they have been high, so have helped to hold those I know with it together and to get them help when need and reminded them to take their medication - when you have Bi-polar, someone who is not perturbed by how you are and 'gets it' to 'remind' you to take your medication is in fact so very important.

And I am so very glad that Bi-Polar is now beginning to be understood and be less stigmatised.

But sad for me that my diagnosis isn't at all.
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