Monday, 12 April 2010

You live and learn - honesty

I might not have posted my previous post if I had not so graphically been re- educated on the desire for some men not to be honest with their women. But ?
Are we also honest with our men?

Yes I was - totally - and beginning to feel that I may have been the mug?
As I was always honest with Barry but perhaps not as much with previous partners that I did not trust  nor had made any commitment to

BUT that was many years ago.

When I  met Barry I trusted Barry totally, and I have known him over 30+ years but we did not commit to each other until I was 32 - I am now 57.

But was I a mug? Yes I was even after over 20+ years in a relationship and a marriage in our case, I realize  years later you can never trust ( really can you ever?)

You can love but trust is something else - after all he did betray my trust - by being unfaithful and then not telling me he was - the icing on the cake is that he got HIV from that 'encounter' and gave it to me.

But even I never realized until recently how much anyone in any longer term relationship would/could be dishonest to their partner.

As I  said - you live and learn   - I hope others learn before it is too late as it is for me.


I never really took in  how much Barry was in fact dishonest to me until recently. Despite that he was unfaithful never told me and did not tell me he had been unfaithful until he had AIDS and PCP! And then not until I questioned him !!

I still trusted him - still do in a way!

I knew very well it could happen in a non committed relationship - but I felt I was immune in my very long term relationship with my partner - how wrong can someone be ??  

MY MESSAGE TO YOU - NEVER GET COMPLACENT!
No one is immune from dishonesty in any relationship - HOWEVER MUCH YOU LOVE THEM AND HOWEVER MUCH YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE THEM - DO NOT GET COMPLACENT!!
Go into everything with your eyes open!

It does not mean you should leave them - that is totally up to you - but my message is ....
be aware!!

Over the last 4 days this has been highlighted as  I have been told or involved in the following situations

The First Story

One woman I have known for over 20 years - she is a twice a grandmother.
But a very young & very attractive  grandmother being only mid 40s slim, attractive and being single for some time wanted to have a new relationship -

So she did in that she met someone through her work.

But shockingly found after some time she was being lied to by her new partner about even his real name ? nor his true address and his status, or  as to whether he is with someone else or not .


She only found out what his true name address and other details was the other night when he had a very serious asthma attack and she saved his life - literally she did  - by getting him to hospital in time - then in A & E with her there he had to come clean and admit his real name address etc for his medical records!!!

He is not young - 52 -  nor is she is young or inexperienced  i.e 43 and a grandmother twice already-

So why do men - and women -  feel they have to lie ?? If they lie like this how can we ever be sure they are not lying about their sexual heath?

The second story.

Another friend of mine who is also in her 40s but going out with someone in their late 20s noticed a blister on his penis.
She is not at all unaware or at all ignorant or uninformed  so of course when she noticed it she asked him and he said .....................

I caught it in my zip!

That time she believed him - why? because we believe those we have intimate relationships with who look in our eyes and tell us something is so......men or women we WANT to believe don't we?



But he got the same blisters again a few months later - he also said again  - I caught it in my zip!


This time she knew it was total crap - it was herpes of course!
 She knows it is but he has still not admitted it - nor agreed yet to go to the GU clinic
And to be honest she has not either through fear I guess of any disclosure consequences.

THIS TO ME DEMONSTRATES  - We do not have control of our sexual health as women - or as men  perhaps ?
Will we ever?

Well not until we are honest with each other!


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