There is only so much you can say about HIV

Yes, there is only so much you can say about HIV

But there is a lot I can say and seem to need to say about my life pre HIV

Which is probably why I don't write anything on here anymore?
I do occasionally have something to say that is directly about HIV. But that is often very short, not long enough for a blog post so I just put it in Facebook. And Facebook has the advantage that if it incudes information, which it often does, more see it on there.

But find myself writing long rambling posts on there about my past
Maybe its also an age thing but all I seem to want to write about at the moment is the past?
About things that happened to me over 30 or more years ago. Which few if anyone would be at all interested in except me. Even my husband has no interest!! It so obviously bores him!

Then yesterday when I was, yet again , writing a far too long status update on Facebook that was again about my past and was just too long for Facebook and so deleted it. And then had this realization that while inappropriate for FB, it was totally appropriate for a blog post.
But I was not writing there sorts of things here because I started this blog to write about our journey through HIV.

But I now realise that every post does not have to be specifically about HIV!
It is my journey and if what I need to write about is my past right now then why not?

What a dork not to realize this before!!!!

And writing it as a blog post means that it only goes to those who choose to read this blog, if anyone? And is not going to the many 'friends' I have on Facebook, many of whom are quite random; many who I only know due to HIV and would not be remotely interested in my ramblings about my past.

To be truthful I do not even need anyone to read it anyway. I just need to write it down.

And in fact it is indirectly about my Journey with HIV.
As the reason I seem to want to write about and examine my past is to understand why I am so traumatized by now having HIV. That basically I am suffering PTSD due to it and in fact as I write my memories down I often realise I already had PTSD and have done for many, many years, due to my past experiences. So trauma has built on trauma.

This does not mean I am more traumatised than others who find they live with HIV.
So many are. I speak to people everyday in the HIV support groups that are so distressed, tramatised and indeed some distraught and some very sadly, suicidal.


Some only recently diagnosed, some longer but less time than me but in fact many that are longer term survivors still have trauma and some new trauma due to surviving when others did not.

In my view and now experience, trauma and HIV often goes hand in hand. If not for all it does for many.
Probably this is why there is such a high incidence of mental health issues among those living with HIV.

But some seem to have escaped it, or have managed to work through t and out the other end.

It s so that I am a lot less traumatised by the fact of my HIV than I was and every year that passes it gets better.
I hope ne day to eventually work through it and come out the other side as others seem to have.

But I do seem to do far more work on it and I am having counseling again at the moment to look at this. And if looking and writing about my past is part of this then so be it.