Wednesday 28 February 2018

It's not all about me.

Barry has prostate cancer. It was in remission but now it's spread.

He is on hormone treatment and starts radiotherapy very soon.


It's not about me. I don't have cancer.
But he does.

And I have absolutely no one to talk to or who understands.
But mostly I have no one.
He does not either.

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That above was a cry from the heart when feeling down last night. I am better this morning.
However

I'm really feeling down at the moment and it is difficult as it not 'all about me' or about me at all and I have to support my husband. But my problem is I have no one to support me. Not in person. I only have people online.

12 years or so ago I had many actual friends, who lived nearby. Or so I though.


Now I have none.


No one even to talk too from one week to the next in person, except Barry, and he is trying just to cope so I cannot expect support from him, understandably.


And I guess it is selfish to think about me at a time like this for Barry.


His prostate cancer was in remission for some years but has returned and is now outside the prostate
He has been on hormone treatment - daily tablets and weekly injections - for over a month, to shrink the nodules before radiotherapy and perhaps chemo..


And has shingles is irritable - at least he has not had uncontrollable bouts of crying and emotion that we were told was a possible side effect - and is not feeling well.


Today he is off to the treatment center to discuss the radiotherapy which will begin in the next few days.


I am so scared I will loose him.
And he has been my rock for so many years and I am scared I can't be his rock now.
But I have to be. It is not me that has cancer.

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